Depth of Soul
by alphe
Summary: Now alone, Bella finds a strength and drive within her that can only be described as her spirit, her soul. At first, she doesn't realise its depth, but finds that her soul is intrinsically tied by fate to another's; bound forever. AH/AU. M for lemons!
1. Prologue: A Road Less Travelled

_Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,_

_And sorry I could not travel both_

_And be one traveler, long I stood_

_And looked down one as far as I could_

_To where it bent in the undergrowth;_

_Then took the other, as just as fair,_

_And having perhaps the better claim,_

_Because it was grassy and wanted wear;_

_Though as for that the passing there,_

_Had worn them really about the same,_

_And both that morning equally lay_

_In leaves no step had trodden black._

_Oh, I kept the first for another day!_

_Yet knowing how way leads on to way,_

_I doubted if I should ever come back._

_-*-_

I don't know exactly what was different this time, but the day after he threw me to the ground in anger, splitting open the skin on my knees and elbows, I knew I was leaving.

* * *

At four o'clock on a Monday afternoon, I sat at a table amongst the humming mass of students making their way to class, taking solace in the warmth of the ground floor of the university's main teaching building.

Alice and I sat in silence, grabbing on for dear life to each other's hand, silent tears trickling down our faces as I stared into her caramel eyes; a mixture of the fear and pain from what I had told her and the pure relief of my decision that it was over.

Although on the surface it would have appeared completely exposing, but the constant stream of people provided a barrier of sorts; protecting our conversation from those sitting too closely and providing a warmth in the mass of the everyday.

"You've made the right decision, Bella" Alice said looking across the small, unsteady table at me.

"I know," I replied honestly. I did know. I had known for the last four years what the right decision was. The right decision for my body, my soul, my rights. I knew exactly what I would have said if another woman going through the same thing came to me for help; all the catchphrases and buzzwords, the organisations to contact, the steps to take.

But things were so different when you were experiencing it yourself; the objective analysis failed the subjective experience.

Although I may not be the most outspoken and loud person, but I stood my ground and I even called myself a feminist. People assumed that this meant that I couldn't be a victim of an abusive partner. Ironically, it was often his excuse why I was.

"Bella?"

I looked up to see Alice's worried face watching me. "It's going to take some time, and it's not going to be easy, but you really will be okay." As much as I tried to disagree with her in my mind, the conviction with which she spoke gave me a moment of strength.

"It's not so much the end of the relationship, Alice, that upsets me, it's the knowledge that he's not going to make this easy for me, that he'll try everything to get me back and in the past, I haven't been strong enough to hold out." I felt that just by saying it out loud, I reduced the chance of exactly that happening. Alice smiled knowingly at me, before reaching across the table to grab my other hand with hers. "You know that I'll be here for you, Bella, and although you've probably felt that you've had to deal with this on your own for so long, you don't have to deal with this alone from now on."

I looked up into her eyes and couldn't help the tears of gratitude and relief spill down my cheeks. Within seconds, Alice had swept over to me and pulled me into her deceptively strong arms.

She held me tight against her small body, removing all of the nervousness and uncertainty I felt at what was lying ahead of me.

* * *

Opening Poem   
Robert Frost, "The Road Less Travelled"

**Author's Note: **

~Hello and welcome to my first fanfiction, _Depth of Soul_ !!~ The prologue above intends to provide a bit of background insight to the beginning of Bella's journey. Throughout this story, Bella and Edward will explore the connection that exists between them; initially through finding their own inner strengths and soul (a bit angsty ;P ) with the hope of their realisation of the depth of the love between them and their souls. You can take this notion of a soul as spiritual or non-spiritual; my understanding of this is the person you are, who looks out of your eyes and interprets the world around you. More than your physical body, or your intellect and rational mind, this is an exploration of the driving forces within us and the source of the feelings tying us to another person, inextricably on a deeper level. I hope to weave my love (and Bella & Edward's!) of wonderful food, music and literature throughout the story; elements of life that, although perhaps a bit Bacchic, go with love to define life!

As with in the original, the force that brings Edward and Bella together transcends history; what if their story was not the first time their souls had experienced their love? What if throughout history, and reflected in literature, they've been brought together; their souls and love a golden thread throughout centuries?

Reviews keep me inspired like coffee on a Winter's morning!  
How do you take your coffee?


	2. Chapter 1: Into My Own

_One of my wishes is that those dark trees,_

__

So old and firm they scarcely show the breeze,

Were not, as 'twere, the merest mask of gloom,

_But stretched away unto th eedge of doom._

_-_

_I should not be withheld but that some day_

__

into their vastness I should steal away,

Fearless of ever finding open land,

_or highway where the slow wheel pours the sand._

_-_

_I do not see why I should e'er turn back,_

__

Or those should not set forth upon my track

To overtake me, who should miss me here

_And long to know if still I held them dear._

_-_

_They would not find me changed from him the knew--_

_Only more sure of all I though was true._

_-*-_

I wrapped my thick grey scarf around my neck, tucking the ends inside my black duffle coat and stepped out of the library into the light fog and darkness settling over the campus. As I headed towards the car park I reached around in my bag to find my phone, balancing the newly borrowed stack of books against my body. After two rings, Alice's bright voice answered, revealing a lot more excitement than I was prepared for.

"Bella! You've finished?! I've cleared out the closet in your new room and the pasta's on the boil! Did you get much study done?"

I couldn't hold in the laugh that escaped my mouth at her enthusiasm, "Not a whole heap, but I'm making sure I overcompensate with the number of books I've borrowed."

I heard her giggles on the other end. "Thank-you so much for this Alice. Although I won't be using the closet space as efficiently, I really appreciate you letting me stay in your house."

Her giggles chimed again down the line, "_Our_ house Bella! You know that I wanted to get a housemate in here anyway; it's too big and old to be here on my own! Plus, you don't have to worry about filling that closet space," she trailed off suggestively.

"Oh no, no, no Alice - no shopping trips! Not at least until I have a couple of chapters of my thesis done," I said as I opened the door to my car, throwing the books on the passenger seat.

"We'll see, Bella," she said ominously before giggling.

"Have you been drinking, Alice?" I asked with a smile before throwing the keys into the ignition and turning the heater onto full blast to force the chill out of my body that had seeped in from the short walk.

She giggled again, "No, silly! I just can't wait to see you!"

I let out a laugh, partly at what she said, partly at the relief that I had made it to the warm comfort of my truck. I had tried to tell myself that my discomfort walking alone at night was normal; that it was a healthy sense of self-preservation. But somewhere in the back of my mind, irrational or not, it was because I was half expecting him to be waiting; trying to catch me alone to beg me to take him back, or worse.

"So Bella, you'll be home soon?" Alice's voice brought me back from my thoughts and I smiled at her words.

"Sure thing," I started to reply as rain drops began lightly dappling the large windscreen of my truck, "I made it to my car in good timing, it's just started raining - it might take a bit longer to get there."

"No problems, Bella," replied Alice, "I can put the linguini to the side for a couple of minutes".

"Great," I said as I turned my windscreen wipers on, before clicking the key over to turn the engine over, churning it to roaring life under my fingers. I looked up at the screeching of the wipers across my windscreen and my heart leapt into my throat, adrenaline hit my body like an aching fire, and I froze in my seat, dropping my phone as my muscles locked up in fear. My wipers moved the large red card back and forth in front of my face, waving it at me, a contrast in absurdity. I couldn't help the guttural sound that escaped my throat as the red ink started to smear in front of me from the wet rain.

"Bella! Bella?! What happened?! Are your okay? What's going on? Bella, what's happening? Speak to me!" Alice's voice yelled up from the phone in my lap.  
I picked it up quickly with shaking fingers, "Alice, he's been here. He found my truck," I choked back the sobs that started to rack my body, "he put a card on my truck - it's nothing, really, I think." I tried to slow my breathing and calm my voice, "it's just he found my truck, he's come here and found my truck and put a card on it."

I reached next to me and locked my door as I started to worry whether he was watching, waiting for my reaction to the gift he'd left. Alice's voice soothingly spoke, "Bella, don't worry. Shhhhhh, it's okay. Bella, it's okay"

The shaking started to get stronger as my body began to cool from the adrenaline.

"Bella, Jasper's still on campus finishing off some work for his supervisor - I'll give him a call. He was going to try and make it for dinner anyway, okay? Stay in your car, you'll be okay, and call security straight away if anything happens, okay Bella?"

My breathing was starting to slow down, the warmth of my truck's cabin comforting me as I reached out with shaky fingers and turned off the wipers; ceasing the horrible screeching that matched the red smears across my windscreen. "Okay, Alice. Thank-you," was the most I could muster out before hanging up the phone and sitting back in my seat, staring at the large lettering on the card in front on me blazing "_I love you, I'll never give up_".

Within five minutes, Jasper's name and a photo of him kissing Alice in a cowboy hat flashed up on my phone, the notes of Rossini's _William Tell Overture_ gaining crescendo; a sound that would normally make me giggle, but under the circumstances made me feel emboldened. "Jasper, thank-you so so much," I answered.

"Absolutely no problem darlin'," his southern voice resonated, relaxing me as he continued, "You gave me a great excuse to get out of this place early and see Alice," he joked, knowing that I didn't like to be the centre or cause for other people's bother.

"So darlin', where will I find you?"

"I'm just parked outside the law library." I replied, looking around me.

"Ah, so I wasn't the only one staying back researching?" I could hear the noise him walking outside and immediately hoped that he had an umbrella as the rain continued to pour down. "Well Bella, how about I grab my car, pick you up and we'll head back to your place together; I'm guessing you're not feeling to up for drivin'?"

Hearing Jasper say _your_ place and know he meant the one I now shared with Alice reinforced the warm fuzzies that were bringing me out of the shock I had been feeling.

"That would be lovely Japser, I have to be back here tomorrow anyway, so can leave my truck here overnight." I mused.  
I heard the purr of Jasper's car in the background, a well loved classic, the name of which I could never remember, a point Jasper loved to tease me with in mock frustration.  
"Well, Bella, it seems we parked rather close to each other," Jasper smiled into the phone. "Huh?" I looked around me and saw Jasper's car, lights on, in the rain behind my truck.

I laughed and gathered up my books and bag and prepared to jump out of the car, when I looked up at the card still tucked under the wipers.

"Jasper, would it be too much of a bother to ask you to come grab something for me?" I asked tenatively.

"No problems, Bella," he replied as I saw him jump out of his car in my rear view mirror as I hung up the phone. I opened my door, smiling over at him and nodded my head in the direction of my windscreen.

He caught on immediately and reached around, grabbing the card and ran back with me to his car, attempting to escape from the deluge.  
After jumping in and shivering the rain off me, I looked over to see Jasper smiling at me with concern in his eyes.

"Would you like me to hold onto this for you, Bella - you don't have to even look at it if you don't want to," he said, watching my reactions.

"Thanks Jasper, but I think I'll be okay - it just.. just knowing that he sought out my truck in the carpark, and that he's not going to just disappear out of my life… I just really don't know what he's capable of doing," I looked up at his eyes between his dripping hair, "I'm scared."

Jasper wrapped his arm around me, drawing me to him across the console, "Shhh… I know Bella. It's completely understandable. You've made the right decision, okay? You are so strong- you'll get through this and we'll be here with you every step of the way; not just watching, Alice and I are here to help in whatever ways we can."

I moved back out of his arms to look at him, "Thank-you, Jasper. That means so much to me." It really did. What Jasper said gave me strength and courage. I took the card out of his offering hands, avoiding looking at it directly and shoving it into my bag as Jasper turned back and started the short drive from the campus to Alice's, and now my place.

Jasper's car pulled into the narrow one way street lined by beautifully restored single storey terrace houses and shifted perfectly into a break in the cars parked on either side. I grabbed all of my books and bag and slid out of the car onto the sidewalk and looked up at the narrow fronted house.

Although the 19th Centruy house was only the width of a room and a hallway, it extended back quite far, much longer than it was wide. The light over the painted black front door cast shadows from the matching coloured wrought iron cornice and eaves across the white painted stone.

The soft pink of the flowering cherry blossom in the same black wrought iron enclosed front yard contrasted against the stark white picture. It was absolutely beautiful, and couldn't be more Alice.

"I'm surprised the pixie's not already out the front door to great us," Jasper winked at me.  
Apparently Jasper spoke too soon, as the front door sprung backwards to reveal Alice bouncing up on her toes, "Quick! Get inside before you guys get drenched!" she squealed.  
Jasper opened the fence gate for me, letting me pass through and up to the house where Alice could barely contain her energy, "Bella!" she gasped as she pulled me into a tight hug, "Are you okay? Come in, get warm. Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm okay, Alice. A little bit shaken, but I'm just glad to be here and that Jasper was so close," I replied.

"Do you want to talk about it now or have some dinner first?" she asked me with a worried look. My tummy grumbled giving away my answer before I could vocalise it. Alice's giggle confirmed she knew my answer."Okay missy, you know which one's your room. Go freshen up and meet us down the other end of the house," she ordered.

I smiled at her and started heading down the high ceilinged wooden-floor hallway to my room, grinning even harder when I heard Alice being swept up into Jasper's arms.

I had met Alice on my first day of law school, finding myself seated next to her as we were herded into a lecture theatre to hear an address from the Dean. After grabbing a coffee together afterwards, and similar raised eyebrows at the majority of our new classmates; me for their ridiculously garish attempts to demonstrate the size of their trust funds in both their appearance and conversation, Alice at their transparent shallowness and predictable pret-a-porter taste. Outside of sharing the same lectures and tutorials, we found our daily coffee sessions became an essential element of surviving law school; for both the caffeine and unloading of gossip.

It was during one of these sessions that Alice met Jasper. I had been filing Alice in on a girl in a tutorial who had come to a realisation a little late in life thanks to a constitutional law problem and an unforgiving tutor. Just as I was getting to the punch line of the story, I noticed Alice's eyes shift from mine to across my shoulder.

Following her line of sight, I turned to find her expression mimicked on the face of a tall, blonde haired Apollo; one of the most gorgeous men I had ever seen was staring directly into Alice's eyes.

As if Alice picked up on my discomfort being caught in the crossfire of these stares, she stood up and without looking at me said, "I'll catch you in class, Bella," and walked over towards the blonde god.

I couldn't figure where Alice might know him from, but quickly realised they had surprisingly never met when she put out her hand, saying something to him after introducing herself. He tipped an imaginary hat at her, took her hand in his and both walked out of the coffee shop.

I sat there completely perplexed for a few minutes, before shaking it off, finishing my coffee and looked forward to finding out what had happened from Alice later.

From that point on, Jasper and Alice had a connection between them that ran deeper than could be articulated; they bounced off each other, but to be honest, it was as if they had always been waiting for the day they would meet; from the outside, there were no fireworks, no symphonies playing, no overarching declarations of passion. It was just as if they always were, and always will be, completely in love and supportive of each other.

It was a complete contrast to what I experienced. In fact, I think seeing how Alice and Jasper had it gave me a reality to reflect upon; although I had come to accept to some degree that that sort of love wasn't going to happen to me; it was too unlikely, too improbable and too hopeful to think otherwise, however the contrast of that type of love somehow provided my subconscious with leverage from my relationship.

I stepped into my new room. The high ceilings gave a freeing sense of space, matched with the creme coloured walls. Fleur de lis capped the ends of the rod from which similar coloured drapes hung down, covering what appeared to be a large window out to the side of the house.

Against the far wall was large wrought iron queen size bed, with light yellow sheets and covers that I could only guess, being purchased by Alice, were a blend of silk edging and Egyptian cotton. A large wooden desk sat on the opposite wall, reminding me of the stack of books I was still holding, pulling on the already tense muscles of my shoulders and neck. I placed my books and bag down on the desk, and after taking a deep breath, headed back into the hall to the bathroom next to my room.

Alice had the master bedroom at the front of the house with its own ensuite, and so the classic claw foot tub that now faced me brought immediate relief to my shoulders at the idea that I could soak into its depths later this evening. The sudden ache that thinking about what had happened that day shot through me before I quickly shook it off to wash my face and freshen up before heading down the hall to the open plan back end of the house.

Past my bedroom, the hallway opened up into a large living space that housed the kitchen before opening up to glass doors into what I was sure would be a landscaped courtyard. The entire space was open and light, with modern and clean furniture, with classic Alice embellishments.

The glorious scent from the kitchen hit me and my grumbling stomach like a dizzying spell. "Alice, what is that? It's absolutely amazing," I called out as I walked into the dining space, finding Alice cuddled up softly in Jasper's arms as they sat at the dining table drinking a glass of red wine each.  
The soothing sounds of Puccini's _Turandot_ filled the space creating a scene that I suddenly felt that I was intruding upon.

A sudden bell from the kitchen announced the required attention of a something Alice had been prepared and Alice's head popped out from it's cradle against Jasper's chest, "Perfect timing, Bella!" she smiled at me as she sprited to the kitchen. As I turned to Jasper, I suddenly felt myself surrounded by Alice's arms, as she had obviously made a detour from her dash to the kitchen, "This is your home now, too, Bella - It's our home, you and me, okay?"

Her sudden outburst of emotion removed any discomfort I'd had at perhaps walking in on something between her and Jasper. "Thank-you so much Alice, and you too Jasper. You've both been so supportive to me through this," I felt such gratitude at their love and warmth towards me; it was such a contrast from what I had experienced that I wasn't quite sure how to handle it yet.

Jasper broke me from my reverie, "Glass of red, Bella?" he asked.

"That would be fantastic, Jazz, thanks." I replied with a smile.

I sat down at the table as Alice served a plate of bruschetta and three large bowls of her famous comfort food of spinach and roast tomato linguine.

The warmth and flavours rolled over my tongue deliciously and the wine trickled down my throat with robustness that eased the tension across my neck and mind. Our chatter about Alice and my final year of our law degrees, and Jasper's final year of his PhD flowed continuously, with Puccini continuing to fill the background murmur.

I felt safe, loved and home.

* * *

Opening Poem  
Robert Frost, "Into My Own"

Music  
Rossini, _William Tell Overture. (_.com/watch?v=JkymTHSbWe0)  
Puccini, _Turandot._ A beautiful opera. I picture _Nessun Dorma_ playing quietly in the background to the scene in the dining room (.com/watch?v=2RdJmqLrsbo)  
_Full links for all music and poems available on my profile._

The architectural style of Bella and Alice's house is the Melbourne Terrace Home; the style flourished throughout Melbourne during the Victorian gold rush and is the style of many now gentrified and sought out inner-city homes. _Pictures and links to more information can be found on my profile._

**Author's Note: **Welcome to _Depth of Soul_, my first fanfiction and as such I would love any feedback that can be offered. Is the story interesting? Is the development too slow? Grammar/style/concept? Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Also, any offers for a Beta would be fabulous!

This story will be an Edward/Bella fanfiction, and unfortunately Jacob is likely to be the sacrificial lamb so to speak, but with good reason!

I hope to share my love of music and poetry through this story, whilst exploring the notions of the soul (as a secular concept) and love.

There may be some unusual spelling and words as I will be writing this story in UK English as I am Australian; please let me know if there are any words I need to explain.


	3. Chapter 2: Fate, out of the deep sea

_Fate, out of the deep sea's gloom,_

_When a man's heart's pride grows great,_

_And nought seems now to foredoom_

_Fate,_

_-_

_Fate, laden with fears in wait,_

_Draws close through the clouds that loom,_

_Till the soul see, all too late,_

_-_

_More dark than a dead world's tomb,_

_More high than the sheer dawn's gate,_

_More deep than the wide sea's womb,_

_Fate._

_-*-_

Soundless floating. My body and senses were completely dampened as I lay submerged under the surface. The claw foot bath was filled with hot, steaming, muscle-relaxing water. Even the only noise, the hum in my ears, was muffled by the immersion in my watery sanctuary; a sensory deprivation that provided me calm moments to think and reflect as the tension eased from my shoulders.

The ache inside my chest forced me to lift my head up to the surface; taking a gaping breath of the steam before bringing my head back under the water. There were different kinds of pain, that in my mind fitted into neat categories; physical pain, like the breaking of skin or the bruising of pressure; emotional pain, the ache inside your heart, the deep wrenching pull down into your pelvis, and the pain at the loss of spirit, the loss of soul, of the driving force behind my motivation. I had felt this latter pain before; an overwhelming sense of hopelessness, the feeling of the weight of everything weighing down on my shoulders. Priorities cease to exist; just existing in a numbness that protects the body and mind.

I think it was this type of pain that protected me from the others.

The physical pain was surprisingly easy to deal with; bruises healed, broken skin scarred, swelling went down. Only once, in the entire four years, did I go to a doctor; worried that when he was strangling me and shoving his hand down my throat in an attempt to silence my screams, that he'd done permanent damage to the vessels in my neck.

I just accepted the sting, the burn, the ache, the tenderness and incorporated them into my normal everyday coping strategies.

I predicted that in leaving him, my heart would ache and wrench in the emotional pain of the break up. It didn't. I kept waiting for it to hit me, for it to suddenly hit me that we were no longer together. But it didn't. The only moments of emotional pain I had were caused by fear and these feelings of puty and sorry for him. Mike's declarations of love and apologies that were never apologies made me feel as though I was empathising with his pain. That was part of the reason I stayed with him for so long; Alice said that I was too compassionate, that I tried to empathise with him too much. The stark reality was that he knew this and knew exactly how to play it. He knew that getting apologetic and remorseful made me see the hurting boy inside. In reality, he felt I deserved the violence; that I appreciated him getting my emotions under control, that I even _liked_ it when he was violent. He was only apologetic that I was upset _at _him, angry at him, even that I was in pain, but the violence, no, at his heart, he was never apologetic or remorseful for that. It took me all that time to realise how skilled he was, how well refined he was in his manipulation and control. I underestimated him completely; I saw the little boy lost, when in reality he was an advanced narcissist.

I came up for air.

Sitting up and leaning back in the bathtub, I reached out, picking up my wine glass with the remaining few sips of the shiraz. Swirling it around the bulbous glass, I watched it reach up and stain the edges, streaking against the side for a few seconds before pulled back down in streaks by gravity. I lifted it to my mouth, breathing in deeply the rich oaky scent before tipping it slowly onto my tongue and feeling it flow down my throat.

With my body warm from both the alcohol and the water, the slight cooling of the bath around me as a result of the high ceilings and slate floor prompted me to stretch up and clamber carefully out, stepping out onto the cold floor. I wrapped the giant fluffy white towel around my shoulders, huddling in the tent I had created around my body for a second, before I dried off and slipped into the silk robe that Alice had 'left on the bed' for me; codewords for Alice had shopped for me and was attempting to be surreptitious. Opening the bathroom door I heard the quiet murmur of Alice and Jasper's voices from her room, and decided to head to bed, partly because I didn't want interrupt, partly because I didn't want to loose the relaxed state the water and wine had left me in.

I gently closed the heavy door to my bedroom and walked across the soft carpet to the large, welcoming bed. The delicate light of the provincial bedside lamp highlighted the shadows on the lightly painted stone work of the high walls. With the limited amount of things I had been able to grab as I left, pyjamas were easily forgotten, but Alice never being one to forget the small essentials in life, I slipped into the silk camisole and shorts she had left on my bed earlier with the robe. I had to admit, the silk felt nice against my skin; I was normally used to the rough cotton of an old t-shirt or flannelette that I normally wore. The material shifted against my skin, as I moved about turning the sheets and cover back. The sudden quiver I felt in between my legs and the hardening of my nipples as the silk slid across my skin made me pause and take a second to steady myself from my shaking legs. After my bath, the wine and the events of the day, all I could think about was falling into a deep sleep. The simple act of ending the relationship had instilled in me a freedom that I hadn't felt for four years; a freedom that I didn't realise was restricted until I found myself wearing nicer clothes, reading books or watching movies to relax, and most surprisingly, a sex drive. With all the stress of everything that was happening, I would have thought that it was the last thing on my mind, however I found myself thinking about sex. With what I had been through, I knew a relationship was nowhere in my mind, and casual sex wasn't my thing. I think it was my body's way of celebrating its liberation and relief.

I slipped into the bed, moving the pillows to the middle simply because I could. The cold, fresh sheets felt refreshing on my skin. Looking around my new room, my eyes fell on a short bookcase next to the desk not visible from the doorway. From my bed, I could see the familiar spines of some of my favourite novels and in that, Alice's endless consideration that touched me deeply. Whilst most people shied away from romances after break-ups, they had always been my solace, and from my vantage point, it appeared that here placed on the cast iron book shelf was a collection of great literary romances in history. Their settings crossed over thousands of years, cultures and languages; the golden thread running between them, the love of two people. I sighed and couldn't wait to discover new stories, and reread my favourite classics.

I leaned over and turned off the bedside lamp, feeling the fog of sleep float over me.

~*~

The tumbling of the waves of the Irish Sea against the beach stirred me to open my eyes.

Although the hollow sounds of the vast, cold, open coastline began waking me from my sleep, the crackling of a fire nearby partially explained the unexpected warmth of my body. I tentatively tilted my head towards it to see the colours flickering as the salts heated on the burning driftwood, dancing upwards to the darkness of the stone shelter we were in. My gown lay folded on the floor next to the pile of woolen blankets I was lying on and wrapped under.

My slight movements roused what I realised was the more dominant source of my heat. I pressed back into the naked intimacy of him; the front of his hard body flush against the curves and dips of my back; his arms wrapping softly but firmly around my waist and breasts, pulling me into him. I purred in contentment. I felt him smile against my skin as soft kisses started on my shoulder, lightly tracing a path up my neck. His lips paused on the edge of the skin across my throat as my head rolled back in indulgence .

His kisses traced upwards, finding the commissure of my jawbone and ear. His lips, so delicate and tender in their caresses stirred a pleasurable tingling that pulled downwards, forming a deep aching as the blood rushed to my core.

His hands began to slowly caress the soft skin of my stomach, running down the valley of my waist and over the high curve of my hip. He brushed his slightly parted satin lips over the edge of my ear, letting his hot breath whisper over its folds and creases, "Good morning," his deep, velvet voice smiled before lightly biting my ear lobe. Simpering, I murmured in agreement.

His tongue flicked out soothing where he had bitten down and then wetly caressed curving up to the apex of my ear. The feeling of his hot, wet tongue flickered imaginings in my mind, impelling me to rub my thighs together in an attempt to gain some friction. My tingling arousal found purchase, shooting sudden jolts to my burning core, spreading the wetness that had been gathering between my folds onto my thighs. In my writhing movement, I inadvertently pressed back hard against his arousal; the hardness and then the size of which elicited a moan from my throat.

Not wanting to lose his grasp around me, I started to turn my body slowly towards him. As my thigh moved downwards, I brushed firmly against his hard erection, spreading a streak of his glistening fluid across my thigh. Feeling and seeing how heavily aroused he was, so close to my centre as I turned, broke my skin out in a shiver of goosebumps, my nipples hardening even more as my continual turn brushed them against his.

Following my eyes up from where my breasts pressed against his perfectly formed chest, I ran my hands over his toned forearms, brushing further up over his biceps, shivering at what I could only articulate in my mind as god-like masculinity.

Not yet meeting his eyes, I breathed in deeply, tracing his collarbones on both sides with my fingertips before running my hands over his shoulders to embrace myself against him.

My body wanted this man more than anything else on this earth; the deep ache in my core was only matched by the ache inside my heart for him; a connection that pulled me from deep inside.

His scent completely and utterly enraptured me; the depth of the scent of his arousal and skin was like honey, thick and sweet; his breath was light and delicate, reminding me of lilacs warmed and opened by sunshine.

I brought my eyes upwards, following my fingers as they glided up his neck. Leaning in, I placed a delicate open kiss on his throat. I pulled my body up slightly, trailing kisses intermingled with slight licks of my tongue as I tasted his skin. Pushing my nose into the same patch of skin where he had teased me earlier, I breathed his scent in deeply, sending tingles through my lungs into my centre. The tingles caused me to unconsciously rub my thighs together, spreading my warm wetness, sating my ache momentarily, but building my need for him. Knowing what I was doing he growled deep within his chest, sending a sudden desire to buck my hips, craving him inside of me. His growl deepened as he pressed against me, pushing his hard, hot cock into my pelvis. Wetness seeped out of me, aching and writhing to feel him inside.

I ran my tongue across his perfectly chiseled, and scratchy jaw, making my way towards his lips; the aching in my centre doubling tenfold at the prospect of my lips moving against his. I brought my head back slightly, intent on looking into his eyes.

Moving my gaze from his slightly parted lips, I looked directly up towards his eyes. The incomprehensible power of what hit me when his eyes lifted to look into mine left me reeling. His eyes were deep emerald green pools, filled with love and understanding; he was completely open, exposed and was looking into the very core of my soul. I felt as though every emotion inside me was being pulled from the deepest parts of my soul and heart were pouring into his eyes whilst I was filled and absorbed with the very essence of him. Without breaking our gaze, he brought his mouth crashing down onto mine; the ache in my heart now blending with the unbearable aching of my now throbbing core.

He moved his mouth against mine, deepening the kiss, knowingly showing me the depth of what he too was feeling as stars began to appear behind my closed lids at the intensity.

His hand cupped my cheek as he brushed his lips over mine and leant back, his accent strong as he looked into my eyes, "I love you more than I'll ever be able to express," he breathed as he kissed me again, "but I promise I'll spend my life getting as close as possible."

My heart jumped at his words and the sound of his voice.

He gently rolled me backwards onto my back, moving his tongue to massage mine, deepening the kiss. As I ran my hands over the planes of his broad, muscled shoulders, he trailed a hand upwards ... over my hips ... my waist ... the underside of my breast… As I mimicked his motions with my hands up his body, he moaned and thrust against me, "God, my bella," the difference in his accent to mine from his home across the sea, stirred within me.

My nipples ached for his touch as I arched my back to his hand. He cupped my breast in his hand and squeezed it gently as he palmed my entire breast.  
I moaned in delight at his touch, as he gently squeezed and massaged.

His hand moved across to share his attentions with my other breast, as he lowered his head and began licking and gently sucking on my nipple. As he massaged my other breast he softly pinched and rolled its nipple between his fingers. The sensations were so overwhelming, his touch so powerful, his eyes staring at me with such rapture; I started to feel my climax building between my thighs.

He lifted his mouth from my nipple, kissing it tenderly before looking directly into my eyes. I leant towards him and pulled his mouth onto mine. The feeling of his lips moving against mine was amazing - his tongue rolling into and against mine, unintentionally distracting me as his hand trailed a path to my aching core.

Running his hand up my thigh, he painstakingly slid his finger into my folds. He groaned as he felt my wetness, pressing his cock against my hip as I pushed into him. He ran a second finger parallel to the first, moving together up over my centre, then down through the sides of my slick folds.  
On the next stroke up he pressed the tips of both fingers against my bundle of nerves, circling and pressing against me, "Ughhh, that feels so good," I moaned, my Irish vowels rolling off my tongue smoothly. "I need you inside of me." I begged, unable to stop my hips from writhing below him.

He clasped my face in his palm and kissed me deeply, "You are my life now," he breathed against my lips.  
I raised my hand to mirror his and kissed him hard, pouring every amount of passion I felt into it. Breaking the kiss, I kept my forehead pressed against his. This bronze hair framed our reverence and I looked into his soul-enchanting eyes, "I love you."

I reached down and grasped his length in my hand. His width was daunting and as I stroked upwards and over his length I still couldn't fathom how he fitted inside of me, but ached deeper at the notion. He groaned and bucked into my hand, before positioning his fingers at my entrance. He circled my opening pressing against me until I pushed my hips against them, wanting them to move beyond teasing.

He thrust his fingers inside of me, deeply, causing me to moan out and thrust my hands down his cock with equal fervour.  
He pumped his fingers in and out of me as I felt the ache at my core shift into a pressure building tighter and tighter. Our moans and gasps as we pumped and thrust against each other only pushed me closer to my edge.

He curled his fingers up suddenly, massaging the tender spot inside of me and I felt the pressure crescendo immediately. "Come, my bella. Come for me," my walls clamped down on his fingers as I tumbled over, orgasming; warmth flowing deep and hard into my body as my walls throbbed and massaged against his fingers.

As I began to calm, he slid his fingers out of me slowly and pressed his lips hard to mine. Seeing his toned and lean body transferred the remnants of my orgasm to a new craving to have him completely in me. He shifted his weight over me, using his hands to slide my knees up and apart, ready to wrap around him once he was inside.

My heart beat hard behind my breast; partly from my orgasm, partly from the rapture of seeing his body over me, so provocative my core started throbbing.

Slightly pressing the hot, wet warmth of his cock at my entrance, he looked into my eyes and brought his arms under my shoulders. Lifting me slightly upwards towards his body, he brought his towards mine, our chests touching. I leant up and kissed him deeply, trying to signal how much I wanted him. I reachied downwards and grasped his shaft, pressing his head into my wet folds.

In one deep, slow, sensual movement he pushed himself into me. We groaned in unison, the completeness of him inside me lighting new embers within my soul.  
As he began to thrust, I felt his length and hardness inside of me; growing the tight, wet, hot ache of my walls around him.  
He thrust deeper, and faster as I wrapped my legs around his hips, using my feet to press into me each time he was completely sheathed in my folds.  
Our breathing and noises grew with each thrust, spurring us on. I felt the warmth and tension grow, the familiar pulsing of my blood against my centre, pressed every time he was entirely enclosed by me.

Our lips and tongues pushing and pressing against each other; the need and ache at its peak.

I felt him start to tense above me, and tilting his hips, he thrust his cock hard and fast upwards three times, stroking against the spot inside of me. My walls exploded, throbbing and pulsing and the heat and warmth of my orgasm clamped down on his length. With a final thrust, he came deep within me; his throbbing and pulsing matching mine.

Holding my body tight below his, he held us together as the waves of pleasure rolled over us, calming and abating gradually.  
He brought his lips to mine and kissed me with such fervour I felt as though we had melted completely into each other.  
Although his home was across the sea, this man was my soul and apart we couldn't function. We would find a way to be together; no matter the cost to our countries, our loyalties.

"Isolde," he breathed against my lips, "my bella. You are my blessing in this life; I vow to protect you, forever."  
He kissed me deeply, before rolling us over, so that I lay on top of him, still connected. He wrapped the blankets over my body and we fell asleep to the sounds of the driftwood fire and the waves outside.

~*~

The light dappled across the high ceilings and lemon walls. I stirred within the soft mass of my bed covers and pillows, my dream hitting me with such vivid remembrance. I rarely dreamt, and then when I did I was only aware that I had from those that had heard me talking in my sleep.  
Shifting into the comfort of the pillows, my thighs rubbed together; I felt wetness without the usual accompaniment of arousal and realised that I must have found my release in my sleep; the images of my dream flashing in my mind.

I rolled my body and pushed my face into my pillow, groaning in frustration, hoping that I hadn't been vocal enough for Alice or Jasper to hear.

* * *

Opening Poem  
Algernon Swinburne, "Prelude - Tristan Und Isolde"

**Author's Note: **What did you think about Bella's dream? Have you figured out who they were? And what about this man she finds herself dreaming about?  
Please let me know by leaving a small review! The more reviews, the greater the obligation to ignore writing my thesis for another day!


	4. Chapter 3: Sleep hath its own world

_The light dappled across the high ceilings and lemon walls. I stirred within the soft mass of my bed covers and pillows, my dream hitting me with such vivid remembrance. I rarely dreamt, and then when I did I was only aware that I had from those that had heard me talking in my sleep. Shifting into the comfort of the pillows, my thighs rubbed together; I felt wetness without the usual accompaniment of arousal and realised that I must have found my release in my sleep; the images of my dream flashing in my mind._

_I rolled my body and pushed my face into my pillow, groaning in frustration, hoping that I hadn't been vocal enough for Alice or Jasper to hear._

* * *

**Chapter 3: Sleep hath its own world**

* * *

_Our life is twofold; Sleep hath its own world,  
A boundary between the things misnamed  
Death and existence: Sleep hath its own world,  
And a wide realm of wild reality,  
And dreams in their development have breath,  
And tears, and tortures, and the touch of joy; _

_  
They leave a weight upon our waking thoughts,  
They take a weight from off waking toils,  
They do divide our being; they become  
A portion of ourselves as of our time,  
And look like heralds of eternity; _

_  
They pass like spirits of the past -they speak  
Like sibyls of the future; they have power -  
The tyranny of pleasure and of pain; _

_  
They make us what we were not -what they will,  
And shake us with the vision that's gone by,  
The dread of vanished shadows -Are they so?  
Is not the past all shadow? -What are they?  
Creations of the mind? -The mind can make  
Substances, and people planets of its own  
With beings brighter than have been, and give  
A breath to forms which can outlive all flesh._

_  
I would recall a vision which I dreamed  
Perchance in sleep -for in itself a thought,  
A slumbering thought, is capable of years,  
And curdles a long life into one hour_**_._**

~*~

As if I had subconsciously known the time when I awoke, the alarm on my phone began its slow crescendo to get me out of bed. I reached over, switching it off, and stretched my body out, enjoying the unaccustomed space that I now had to sleep in.

The distant clinking of glasses and plates in the kitchen brought me fully into the present and I found an excited energy from what I suddenly realised was a surprisingly revitalising sleep.

Slipping out of bed, I grabbed my dressing gown, sliding it on whilst opening the door to my room. The smell of toast grabbed my stomach and I used my new found energy to launch myself with a bounce out of my room into the corridor.

Without a moment to realise , I collided suddenly into a hard wall, knocking me backwards onto my butt on the floor. I sat for a second in shock with my knees bent up and feet flat on the floor for balance, as I realised it wasn't a wall, but rather a person I'd run full pelt into.

With my legs the way they were, and the sudden comprehension of what was potentially very embarrassing evidence of earlier, I snapped my knees together.

Hesitating, I dragged my eyes slowly up from the floor, over his bare feet, up his loose black pyjama pants, past the waist band slung low on the v of his hips, up his bare, defined abs and chest and finally into Jasper's eyes, sparkling with a giant grin on his face, a piece of toast between his teeth and a cowboy hat sitting atop his head.

I couldn't contain the laugh that burst out of from between my lips at the ridiculousness of the image in front of me.

With one hand, Jasper tipped his hat to me, grabbing the toast out from between his wide grin with the other, "Mornin' Bells", he said, as I fell back on the floor in giggles. He sauntered over the top of me towards Alice's room as I continued to giggle on the floor.

"Oh Bells," he called over his shoulder whilst he kept walking.

I bent my head back against the carpet to look at him upside down, "Mmmmm?".

He looked over his shoulder out from under his hat as he grinned, "Hope you slept okay last night".

He winked and disappeared into Alice's room as I felt the burn up my neck and into my cheeks.

_Oh._

_My._

_God._

They must have heard.

The mortification crept up my face, burning even hotter.

"Bella?" Alice's voice carried down the corridor as I cringed at what she was going to tease me with.

"What are you doing on the floor?" she giggled.

I sat up slowly, looking down the hall towards her. _Huh_. It wasn't like Alice to not tease me, however kindly, about something like this.

I pushed myself off the floor and began walking towards her, "Why is your boyfriend walking around half naked in a cowboy hat?"

Alice pressed her lips together in a failed attempt to suppress a smile. "Yeah, um, about that…"

She shoved a glass of orange juice into my hand. I lifted the glass up and began to drink as she continued, "Umm… Bella…. About the noises this morning…."

I choked on the small amount of juice I had begun to swallow, feeling the familiar burn creep back into my cheeks.

Alice's eyes widened at my blush, "I'm so sorry! I don't mean to embarrass you! I just….well….the walls aren't that thick…. And…… ummmm"

_oh god, oh god, oh god_ I could only think, my mouth gaping as I watched as Alice tried to form the right words, "I'mreallysorrywe'lltryandkeepthenoisedownnexttime" she blurted out as fast as she could.

I paused. _Huh?...What does she mean "we'll"?_. And then I realised. I burst out laughing at the absurdity of each other's situation.

"Oh come on Bella" Alice whined, "that was so hard for me to say! Don't laugh at me!"

"Alice…. I'm...not...laughing… at… you…." I laughed between breaths, shaking my head, "I didn't hear a thing".

Relief washed Alice's features and she gave a giggle. She reached out and lightly pressed her hand on my shoulder and whispered to me, "Well the real estate agent was right when they said these stone walls are definitely good at keeping the _heat_ in" she winked.

"Coffee and toast are waiting in the kitchen" she called back at me, as she headed down the hallway towards her room.

I smiled and headed into the kitchen where a cup of coffee sat waiting for me on the bench. As I lifted the cup to my mouth, I breathed in the harsh aroma and took a sip. The sudden pop of toast jumping up from within the toaster startled me, spilling quite a bit of the coffee on the large slate of the floor.

I grumbled as I wiped it up, not as heartbroken as I normally would be given the lessened need for caffeine this morning.

I smiled knowingly to myself. His green eyes flashed into my mind, overtaking my senses completely. I shot a hand out to steady myself as I felt my legs shake and my heart flutter. _Wow_…

"Coffee that good, eh?" Jasper said as he came into the kitchen, grabbing a set of keys off the bench.

I could only manage a small chuckle as I tried to steady myself to act nonchalant.

"I'll be heading across to the campus in about fifteen minutes if you wanted a lift with Ali and I?" he said.

"That would be great thanks Jaz" I replied, realising I'd how quick I'd have to get ready.

As Jasper headed towards the dining table with a stack of journal articles, I grabbed the butter out of the fridge, spreading a thin layer on the hyperactive toast. Opening the cupboards near the kitchen entry, I grabbed the jars of peanut butter and Vegemite out.

He looked up at me, "I still can't believe you like that stuff" he said, nodding towards the jar of black spread in my hand.

I glared at him momentarily, very protective over my favourite toast condiment. We often had this argument; my justification was that he always used too much whenever he'd tried it.

"You're just not spreading it right" I replied. I heard him scoff as he looked down at his papers, "That's not what she said" he said with a smirk.

I stood there shocked for a moment, but before I could respond Alice swept through from the living room, "She's the cat's mother Jaz, but yes". I snorted as Alice leant down to give Jasper a quick peck on the lips.

"You better hurry up if you want a lift Bella" Alice said as she came towards the kitchen.

"Here I'll clean this up if you promise to help me with the tutorial questions later".

"Deal", I quickly spread my toast, grabbed a piece between my teeth and carried the rest out to my room.

Placing the toast haphazardly on my dresser, I grabbed my towel and ducked quickly to the bathroom, tripping only slightly on the change in terrain from carpet, to floor boards, to slate. Sliding my dressing gown and pyjamas off, I jumped back and forth on my tippy toes, trying to avoid the cold slate under my feet as the water heated up and I pinned my hair up into a messy bun on my head. Once the shower was comparatively warmer than the outside air, I scrambled in, quickly grabbing Alice's patchouli soup and rubbing a lather over my body. I found this scent absolutely intoxicating, trying not to use too much.

Like many of her toiletries, Alice had had this particular soap shipped over from Europe and although she always insisted I treated her things like her own, this soap was too delightful for me to melt it down and bathe in it like I wanted to. Rinsing the soap off, I ran my hands over my thighs, washing off the silky wetness that was the real cause for me to need a shower after having a bath last night.

With a quick flash of my face under the stream of water, I turned the taps off and stepped out carefully onto the bath mat, wrapping the fluffy towel around me and streaking back to my room as fast as possible.

I threw the door shut behind me, and dried myself off as I threw open the suitcase I was yet to unpack. I hoped that I had packed enough to at least formulate one complete outfit, and dug around till I found a black La Perla set that Alice had bought for my birthday. Strangely, when I had left Mike, I consciously grabbed my sexiest underwear and shoved them into my bag. I think it was partly in some assertion of my sexual femininity, partly because of how damn much I knew that had cost.

Ironically, I had started to wear the most un-sexy underwear in the months before the break-up; some sort of implied 'stay away' message.

It seemed completely appropriate then that today, my first real day in my new house, with my new freedom, that I wear the sexiest underwear I had, with full knowledge that I was the only person going to be seeing them. Unceremoniously, I threw on a pair of skinny leg jeans, my black calf-high boots, a black tank top, woollen cardigan and my scarf. I grabbed my laptop and shoved it in my bag, glancing briefly at my reflection in the mirror on the dresser. _Huh_. Surprisingly my dark chestnut hair had fallen delicately out of the pins, forming a rather nice style. I decided to leave my hair up, and headed out into the hallway.

Jasper stood leaning against the front door, spinning his keys around the finger of one hand and holding the stack of journal articles in the other. "Ready to roll, Bells?" he asked. "Yep. Don't have class till 10, but have to do some readings for it" I replied. Alice appeared from her room, "Mind if I join you for that?" she asked. "It's a given Alice" I smiled.

We stepped out into the icy fog, the cold hitting my exposed hands harshly. Jasper threw his arm over Alice's shoulders, drawing her into his body as we walked down towards his car. Roaring to life, the heater forced air into the the space around us as we headed towards the campus. Pulling up in the carpark, I looked over to see my hulk of a red truck parked where it had been left last night.

"How are you feeling Bells?" Jasper asked, turning to face me after undoubtedly noticing where my gaze had been.

"It shakes me a little to think about it." I paused, "I'm scared that I'll run into him here." I looked back over towards Jasper and Alice's faces that were both etched with a degree of concern, but mainly understanding.

Alice reached out and squeezed my hand.

"Bells, I get the feeling that he's not going to come looking for you." Jasper replied, "leave presents for you, yes, send you text messages, yes, but you know as well as I do, that really, underneath it all, he's a coward."

His words stung slightly, my loyalty still present after four years, but the reality of them rang true, giving me confidence.

"Plus, Bella," Alice added, "until the end of semester at least, you and I take all the same classes, pretty much spend all of our breaks around people or in the library and are now living together. Really, you don't have to worry about being here on your own if you don't want to." I smiled up at them, so thankful for what they said.

Before I could start analysing it all again, I heaved my bag up onto my lap. Alice and Jasper jumped out of the car, allowing me to scramble out from the backseat and gain my footing whilst they kissed goodbye for the day.

Although, given the fact that they were still going by the time I'd turned, ready to walk to the library, it was more like goodbye full stop.

I chuckled as Jasper dropped Alice into a slight dip, kissing down her mouth with loud "mwah" noises as she shook with giggles, "Jasper!" she laughed.

I burst out laughing at the shocked faces of the group of obviously first year students walking past, which seemed to break Jasper from his reverie.

With a quick kiss on Alice's lips, he brought her upright, tipped an imaginary hat to us both, and started to walk across the grass to towards his office.

Alice turned towards me, "Library?".

Whether it was last night's sleep or the earlier than normal coffee I'm not sure, but the readings ended up taking much less time than normal after which Alice and I worked through the tutorial problems pretty efficiently.

Although we were both taking our final year subjects, the study pattern we had formed over the years made things much easier, often spurned on by the reward of a coffee and gossip together.

As ten o'clock inched closer, we packed our things up and made our way back out into the cold towards our lecture theatre for our human rights law subject.

Even though Alice and I wanted to use our law studies for completely different reasons, we found that our subject choices seemed to align for separate purposes. This actually ended up working really well for us as we both saw different interpretations in issues, and had a different capacity and tolerance for understanding different topics.

Alice had always wanted to become a prosecutor; to run cases against criminals. She had a passion in ensuring the fairness of criminal trials and had been completing research on the use of mental illness as a defence when she had first met Jasper. He was completing his Masters research in psychology and the impact of the justice system on people's well being. Needless to say, once Alice and Jasper had started talking that fateful day, it lent more to credence of their opinion that they were meant to be together.

I was less certain than Alice about where I wanted to take my law studies. I had already secured a graduate position at a large law firm, where I was certain to have a stable and profitable career, however I knew working with big money clients wasn't where my passion lay.

My dad had been so proud of me when I told him; it didn't take long for the news to spread around the town.

Mike's parents had apparently not been so excited.

When Charlie had seen them at the diner the night I'd told him, Mike's mother had apparently asked Charlie how I intended to plan a wedding and fit children around being a 'career woman'.

Partly out of the horror of imagining his little girl getting married and the 'shocking' notion of me having sex, and partly out of the fact that above everything, he believed in my individual right to choose and have my own life, Charlie, needless to say, responded quite gruffly. From what I could gather, his retort was something along the lines that perhaps Mike should plan "said" wedding and look after "said" kids as he clearly wasn't fulfilling his "role" as provider.

Apparently, he even made the air quotes.

Although it was the reason for my parents' break up, Renee's free spirit and beliefs in a person's rights were part of the reason Charlie fell in love with her. Human life, dignity and liberty were values that he strove to uphold, even in the small town where he was chief of police. It was a combination of Renee's values with Charlie's belief in the law to uphold and protect them that lead me to study law in the first place.

Alice and I took our usual seats, not too close to the front, but close enough to make any talking obvious; a mutual understanding of an act of self-restraint.

Pulling out our computers as we prepared for the lecturer to arrive, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

Groaning internally, I turned around with Alice to look into the frustratingly annoying faces of Lauren and Jessica, attempting to convey as much disinterest in my eyes as possible.

Since the first days of law school, both Lauren and Jessica had grated on my nerves.

In truth, I probably had them to thank for bringing Alice and I together so closely and so quickly.

Alice's high end haute couture had attracted their attention immediately.

What they failed to recognise was that Alice's fashion sense was equally matched with her ability to spot a fake a mile away.

Although Lauren and Jessica went to the right schools, had the right surnames, and drove the right cars, that was about where what was 'right' about them ended. Law school for them was the respectable way to meet future husbands, with equal histories. When their first question to me after introducing themselves, and simultaneously failing to ask my name, was "What school did you go to?", I didn't even bother trying.

Like back when I met them, rather than dignifying the interaction with words, I raised my eyebrows at them.

"Alice," Lauren purred, "Your boyfriend was quite the charmer in the car park this morning."

Jessica continued, "I know I got a little worked up at the sight," she said as she mocked fanning herself. _Gah_. These girls were relentless in their attempts to crack onto others' boyfriends. On multiple occasions at Law School cocktail evenings or events, I'd come across Jessica wrapping her minimally covered body around Mike's arm. Whenever I'd raise it with him, he'd tell me I was being jealous and overreacting. In fact, on at least one occasion after such an evening, he'd grabbed my face and thrown me against the coffee table in response, later telling me that I needed to control my jealousy. As these images flashed through my mind they distracted me from where I should have predicted the conversation was going.

"Oh, I hope it didn't bother you, Bella," Lauren crooned.

"Huh?" I responded, accidently breaking my silence.

"Oh, you know," Jessica chimed in, "seeing all that affection?" I hoped they weren't taking this where I thought they were.

Lauren clarified, "Oh, I saw Mike in the Law School yesterday," she smiled before putting her hand on my shoulder, and lent towards me, "he told me" she whispered, raising her eyebrows knowingly, "about how you broke up."

Her words stung me and I shrugged her hand off my shoulder. "Thanks for your concern," I replied and turned straight around towards my computer.

I was delivered from my thoughts as the lecturer strode into the theatre, breaking immediately into the outline for today's class. Alice's hand reached out onto my knee in reassurance. I looked over at her and gave a short smile, taking comfort in the knowledge that she saw right through Lauren and Jessica's behaviour.

I tried to focus on what the lecturer was saying, but my thoughts were running on overdrive. Mike must have been in the Law School looking for me; he had no other connections there and it would have been around the time he put the card on my truck. I started worrying what he said; if he'd gone so far as to actually tell people we'd broken up, what else had he told them. He wasn't exactly going to say "oh we broke up because I beat Bella up" and people were bound to ask questions. Alice's hand made it back to my knee, rubbing slow circles over my knee, soothing me. I calmed my thoughts; I knew that this was inevitable to some degree. I just didn't expect the assault to come from Lauren and Jessica first, and so early.

I started to feel sick as the shock started to dissipate. I felt trapped and overwhelmed. I didn't feel safe all of sudden. The churning in my stomach, fought against the tightness in my chest as I started to feel panic setting in. The fact that he'd sought me out, that he was looking for me, that he found my truck, that he was telling people his version of the break up; I felt threatened and trapped and even though I had made the step away from him, he was still managing to control me. Alice must have picked up on my breathing, lifting her hand up to grasp my own and hold it tightly within hers.

The lights in the lecture theatre began lifting. I realised that the entire hour had passed. "Let's get out of here, Bella," Alice whispered across at me. As the chatter began to fill the break between lectures, Alice and I packed up our things and stood up from our seats, walking towards the door.

"See you, Bella," Jessica's sickly sweet voice called out behind us. My stomach lurched as we pushed open the door. Alice balled her fists up in anger "Those bitches! Those fucking, stupid, nasty, malevolent, vindictive bitches! Agggh!" she yelled. "I can't believe them!"

She wrapped her arms tight around me, pulling me into her embrace, "I'm so sorry that they did that, Bella. I should have seen it coming. Are you okay?"

The feeling of sickness calmed in my stomach as I grabbed onto her.

"Yeah, God." I breathed out sharply, "There was just so much in that comment. I just… started thinking about everything, Alice, about yesterday with the card... Everything. I just feel like I'm suddenly walking on eggshells again. I can feel his anger, Alice, and… and I'm just waiting for him to crack it."

Her arms wrapped tighter around me.

She leaned back and looked straight into my eyes, "Bella, I am so proud of you for leaving him. He can't touch you anymore, okay? You're out. You're no longer bound by his rules. He can say whatever he likes about you, and he will. He will try to win you back in his own twisted ways. But you've taken the biggest and hardest step already; nothing he can do compares to what he did to you for four years. He doesn't know where you live. When you're here on campus, people are around. You are so much stronger than he is, Bella".

Her words hit home deep inside of me, rousing the strength that had carried me through the last few days. The simple fact that Alice was unconditionally supporting and loving me unwound my insecurities and fears from my thoughts in class.

"How 'bout we go grab an early lunch before finishing off that research assignment?" Alice suggested, "Angela mentioned that she'd be on campus today, I'll give her a call?"

I suddenly perked up at the chance of seeing her. Angela had been one of the few others to head to university when we graduated high school. She shared my love of the classics, and had decided to explore it fully with an English Literature major.

Although her undergraduate was year shorter than ours, she had taken up a teaching position with the aim of completing her Masters. Her sporadic teaching hours, and the flexibility of self-directed research meant that finding a time when she was on campus, and we weren't in class, was always a treat.

As we walked towards our regular cafe on campus, Alice pulled out her phone from the Dolce bag she'd manage to have sent over from the latest European release.

"Hey Ang" she spoke after a few moments, "Would you like to join Bella and I for lunch in ten at Cinque Pareti?".

I heard Ang's excited response on the other end of the line and smiled; I hadn't seen Angela in person since before the break-up and I missed her ability to pick up on when I wanted to speak about things in depth, or when I wanted to simply chill out and have fun.

"Oh, that would be great," I heard Alice say in response to something Ang had said. "Okay, catch you over there. Ciao".

Alice snapped her phone shut. "Sooooo," she began, "Ang is going to swing by and see if Jasper would like to join us". "Great", I responded. Although Alice and Jasper were a couple, he never filled the abstract role of "Alice's boyfriend", rather his presence had shifted us into a 'group' of friends. As members of the humanities faculty, Angela and Jasper shared the same building, making it reasonably easy for Ang to swing by Jasper's office on her way down the stairs.

~*~

Cinque Pareti was mainly frequented by graduate students or academics, as it was the only source of the strength of coffee as required by those who had been in the university long enough to develop a full-fledged addiction. Cinque, as we casually called, it, had very flirtatious baristas, Tyler and Eric, with the kitchen was staffed by a similarly charming chef, Ben.

Tyler and Eric's charms however were restricted to their coffee making. There had been a period of time where they seemed insistent in their attempts to ask Alice and I out. When the heart shapes they drew on the top of our coffees starting being more than playful, Alice and I switched to take-away cups, so as to hide their creative patterns. Unfortunately, it appeared this provided them with a medium on which to actually write their phone number on the cardboard. Our surreptitious glances and 'accidental' throwing the cups in the rubbish still failed to dissuade them. Things seemed to grid to a halt when one day, Alice, Jasper and I came in for coffee, with Jasper wrapping his arms around both of us on either side of him. The glares only increased when in response to Tyler's dry question whether Jasper would like any sugar with the three coffees he had ordered, Jasper leant over and kissed Alice passionately, turning and winking at Tyler and replying "What do you think?". It was so corny that I couldn't contain my laughter, probably sending the message that the three of us were involved in some sort of ménage à trois.

Regardless, it was still the best place on campus for coffee, and made wonderful food. We rarely saw Ben as he was out the back, but he seemed to always make an effort to come out and ask how our food was whenever Angela was with us.

The obvious unresolved sexual tension between the two had moved past nearly every stage of encouragement I could give, and it just became an accepted status quo between the two of them to uncomfortable talk about inane topics whilst blushing at each other.

Taking our seats in the semi-enclosed outdoor area, we snuggled ourselves up close to a very effective gas heater. It didn't take long before Eric was at our table.

"Hi Eric", Alice and I both said sweetly in unison.

Tyler's head popped up like a meerkat from behind the oversized coffee machine inside and I couldn't contain a scoff.

"We'll have our usual coffees thanks Eric" Alice asked as she tapped my knee under the table disapprovingly.

"Any food today?" asked Eric. I couldn't help but hear the hopeful tone in his voice, no doubt at the increased opportunities to come out and speak with us.

I tried to be optimistic with Eric and Tyler, and sometimes reproached myself, but it wouldn't take long before they'd do something so glaringly sleazy that I gave myself the benefit of the doubt that they were inherently creepy.

"Once Angela gets here we'll order, if we can grab some menus please," Alice said.

"Sure thing" Eric replied as he turned back to the bar, giving Tyler a thumbs up. "We can see you, Eric" I groaned. "Don't encourage him," Alice whispered as we burst into giggles.

"Fancy seeing you ladies here" Angela walked over to our table with a raised eyebrow and a smile on her face. I jumped up and launched myself into a hug with Ang as she burst out laughing, "Nice to see you too, Bella".

I squeezed her tight before letting my arms go and pulling an extra chair up to the table. Alice gave her an equally as enthusiastic welcome.

"Where's Jas?", I asked.

"Oh, apparently he got a phone call from a friend who's just arrived in from London and they're catching up for lunch," she replied.

"I wonder who that'd be," Alice mused. Her eyes glazed over for a second in thought, "Oh! That's right!" She looked at me and smiled, "So! What do you want to eat?!" My grumbling stomach distracted me from delving any further, and I turned to find Eric walking towards us with menus and glasses of water. As we started looking over the options, Eric continued to stand right beside me. I made eyes at Alice up over my menu, begging her to say something. She giggled, and turned to look up at Eric. "So Eric, is Ben working today?". Angela choked on her water, sending a light spray across us. I burst out laughing, unable to contain my giggles as I wiped the droplets of Angela-water from my face.

"You both deserved that" she said, jokingly glaring at us.

Setting my sights on one of the signature dishes, I ordered the pumpkin gnocchi. Angela grabbed a chorizo penne dish, and Alice ordered the bruschetta.

Eric took our menus and headed back to the kitchen, no doubt to inform Ben that Angela was here.

"So, Ang" I began, glancing across at Alice, whose smile indicated that she knew what I was up to. "Chorizo penne, eh?"

She looked at me suspiciously, "Yes…".

Alice, picking up on what I was doing chimed in, "So, you like Ben's sausage?".

Alice and I burst out laughing, completely loosing it.

"I cannot believe you guys," Angela whined, putting her head in her hands.

"Well, you can't keep going through Eric…" Alice began, pausing to allow me to continue "to get Ben's sausage!" I finished as quickly as I could so as to prevent my laughter affecting delivery.

We all burst out laughing together. As we started to quieten, I looked at Angela who was staring towards the kitchen. "Right. I'm going to do it" Alice and I shut up quickly, "What?!", "Are you serious?!" we exclaimed. "Yep. I'm taking matters into my own hands; I'm going to ask him out. Today." Angela said, punctuating her words with a nod of her head.

"Wooohoo!" I raised my water glass up, "A toast!" I paused, "To strong, independent women" Alice smiled at me knowingly, as we clinked our glasses together, spilling water everywhere and erupting in giggles.

Once our coffees were served, mine with a love heart, Alice's with a flower, it didn't take long before our food arrived.

The glorious scent of garlic made my mouth water. My the sauce over my gnocchi was delectable; I closed my eyes to enjoy the taste; the butternut pumpkin had a roasted garlic undernote, with onion and pepper offsetting the light flavouring of the parsley. The potato gnocchi was soft, yet still retained some of it's potato texture; demonstrating the authenticity.

I heard similar sounds coming from Alice and Angela. "God," Angela purred, "if Ben can do this with food, imagine what else he can do with his sausage" .

Before we had a chance to even giggle, a voice cleared behind us. _Oh fuck_.

I didn't need to turn around to realise who it was.

Peeking my eyes open at Angela, I saw her face blank with a look of horror. Her mouth started gaping up and down, with no words coming out.

"Food's great, Ben!" Alice quickly chimed in.

"Ahh," he coughed slightly, "Umm...thanks". I turned to see Ben with an identical look on his face as Angela.

Alice piped up again, "Bella, I need to go to the toilet. Let's go".

I gave Alice a "yeah, right" look scoffing at her obviously meddling ways, before jumping up and walking with her to the bathrooms.

~*~

I was surprised my hair had managed to hold it's own in a tussled mess on my head, and despite this morning's frustrations, my eyes still looked well rested. Alice pulled herself up onto the counter, swinging her legs back and forth.

"Oh, you didn't need to go the toilet?" I asked Alice innocently. She scoffed, and then paused a moment. "They're done!" she exclaimed. "Already?" I was surprised; the adrenaline from their mutual embarrassment must have spurred them on.

We walked back to the tables, where Angela sat with a giant grin plastered across her face. "Apparently he's just as bad as Eric and Tyler," Angela said, her smile indicating that wasn't a bad thing.

"He wrote his number with the sauce on the side of the plate," I looked down to just see smears, "but when he saw me just eating it, he figured he better come over here and just tell me outright." She giggled, "He said he'd take it as a complement."

Alice and I laughed as we sat down, eager to get back into our meals after the tease of a single mouthful.

After saying goodbye and congrats to Angela, Alice and I headed back to the Law School buildings. Alice and I found a table in the study area and got into a research essay we both had due for property law. As dry as it could be, it was a compulsory subject.

Where Alice aced criminal law, these dryer subjects somehow worked for me. Although they weren't areas of law I wanted to practice in, I loved exploring how they all came back to giving people rights and the protection of these rights. My selected research topic was on how property rights were underpinned the development of human rights.

The most interesting of the articles I had found was one on the magna carta, where the English nobility were forced to sign a declaration to protect the rights of those on their land.

The article drew me in. I think it was its ties to another time and to the historical setting, like reading a piece of literature, rather than an article on the origins of property law.

I started to imagine the wealthy English nobleman, the landscape, their clothes, their voices... and then I heard his voice; the sounds of his English vowels as he whispered to me in my dream. I was suddenly taken back into my memories from within my sleep last night.

"Belllaaaaaaa," Alice's voice broke me out of my reverie.

"Huh?" I looked up at her.

"You okay?" She looked concerned and I realised that she must have thought that I was thinking about this morning or Mike, anything but the dark haired, green eyed man in my sleep.

"Ah, yeah. Yep. I'm good,"I shook my head to break the intoxicating fog that threatened to pull me in.

She looked at me for a second longer, and then returned to her paper.

I managed to make it through the rest of the afternoon without thinking too much about him, the occasional flash of his eyes would bring me back to attention when my mind had drifted away from my research.

I found it reassuring, and only thought about the situation with Mike once when Lauren's awful laugh cackled from the other side of the stacks.

It was quickly followed by the loud, grating noise of the librarian's air horn; a sound normally reserved for the exam period as a a warning to 'shut-up or get-out".

Alice's phone started vibrating on the desk as she checked a message that had come through. "Jasper's ready to go whenever we are".

I looked down at the papers in front of me and the measly amount of text I'd written. "I think I've hit a wall. Let's go?".

We packed up our books and laptops and made our way out into the freezing cold.

Looking across to Jasper's car, I realised that my truck was still in the car park from last night.

"Al, I'm going to follow you guys in my truck".

"You sure?" she asked. I nodded, waved at Jasper, and made my way over to my truck.

After checking the windscreen, clean after the rain had washed away any remnants of the red ink, I unlocked my truck and turned the engine over to get the heater flowing as soon as possible.

I pulled out of my car park, struggling against the hulk of the steering wheel, and followed Jasper and Alice back to our place in solemn thought.

~*~

Banging and bumbling our way into the house with our bags and our blind desperation to get out of the bone-chilling cold , the sudden comfort of home brought a wave of exhaustion over my body.

I headed into my room, dumping my library books and laptop on my desk before walking over to my bed and falling over backwards onto the soft doona.

It took all of thirty seconds before the little sprite was bouncing on her knees on my bed, "Jasper's making a quick stir-fry that'll be ready for the taking in 10 minutes!".

In a final bounce, she landed back on her feet, making me smile, and disappeared out of my room.

With all of our knees curled up on the couch, we silently scoffed down Jasper's vegetarian stir-fry whilst watching the middle part of some inane crime show, mindlessly taking in the dialogue without any context.

I grabbed everyone's dishes, loaded them in the dishwasher and staggered slowly back into the living room as the tiredness hit me completely.

Alice and Jasper were cuddled up on the couch, legs intertwined, falling asleep with the murmurings of the tv keeping them company. I walked to my room, whispering "night guys," to which was responded in their respective grunts of acknowledgement.

I softly closed the door to my room, and stripped off items of clothing as I walked to my bed, leaving a lethargic trail of laziness. Putting on my pyjamas, I climbed under the covers, switching off the bedside light with the energy I derived from the coolness of the pillow.

The light on my laptop indicating its 'sleep mode' lulled in and out of brightness, casting silhouettes across my desk towards the window. The shadows between the books on the bookcase grew and warped across their spines with the rolling glow.

Before sleep took my mind over completely, I promised them that I'd read them.

* * *

Opening Poem  
Lord Byron, "The Dream"

**Author's Note: **There's been a little delay between updates; the exam period has descended upon me, with all the study I've avoided all semester, thanks to reading Twilight fanfiction (and loving it ;P) , coming back to haunt me. My aim is to update at least once every two weeks, hopefully more often if I'm able to get a backlog together over semester break! You never know though, I've been finding writing this chapter relaxed me and helped me chill out between study sessions!

Thank-you so much for your lovely reviews- they really do keep me going! In fact, the sense of obligation I feel to you guys from your reviews and story alerts far outweighs that of my obligations to my lecturers! So please review; even if it's only one line to say hi because it makes the world of difference!

Although we've had some little glimpses, Edward's not far away; and we all know he's well worth the wait ;)  
It's important that Bella explores herself and make a degree of closure before hand; wouldn't want bad timing to get in the way!  
I was planning on writing this fiction entirely in Bella's point of view; what do you think about having Edward's point of view? I promise he's busy at the moment, and sharing some degree of Bella's soul exploration. Perhaps even similar dreams?


	5. Chapter 4: Souls that Balance Joy & Pain

**_Author's Note:_**_ Welcome to Chapter 4! I apologise for the delay! Exams are now all over and I am on holidays...sort of :P I'll ramble and apologise some more at the end, but enjoy! And when it comes to the poems, please take the time to read and simmer in their beat. This poem, although a little longer than usual, has a very unique rhythm to it, and sets up part of the story a bit further below :D_

_Best read in 3/4 view, and we have a different point of view this Chapter! ;)_

**

* * *

Chapter 4: Souls that Balance Joy and Pain**

* * *

_Like souls that balance joy and pain,_

_With tears and smiles from heaven again_

_The maiden Spring upon the plain_

_Came in a sunlit fall of rain._

_In crystal vapor everywhere_

_Blue isles of heaven laugh'd between,_

_And far, in forest-deeps unseen,_

_The topmost elm-tree gather'd green_

_From draughts of balmy air.  
_

_Sometimes the linnet piped his song;_

_Sometimes the throstle whistled strong;_

_Sometimes the sparhawk, wheel'd along,_

_Hush'd all the groves from fear of wrong;_

_By grassy capes with fuller sound_

_In curves the yellowing river ran,_

_And drooping chestnut-buds began_

_To spread into the perfect fan,_

_Above the teeming ground.  
_

_Then, in the boyhood of the year,_

_Sir Launcelot and Queen Guinevere_

_Rode thro' the coverts of the deer,_

_With blissful treble ringing clear._

_She seem'd a part of joyous Spring;_

_A gown of grass-green silk she wore,_

_Buckled with golden clasps before;_

_A light-green tuft of plumes she bore_

_Closed in a golden ring.  
_

_Now on some twisted ivy-net,_

_Now by some tinkling rivulet,_

_In mosses mixt with violet_

_Her cream-white mule his pastern set;_

_And fleeter now she skimm'd the plains_

_Than she whose elfin prancer springs_

_By night to eery warblings,_

_When all the glimmering moorland rings_

_With jingling bridle-reins.  
_

_As she fled fast thro' sun and shade,_

_The happy winds upon her play'd,_

_Blowing the ringlet from the braid._

_She look'd so lovely, as she sway'd_

_The rein with dainty finger-tips,_

_A man had given all other bliss,_

_And all his worldly worth for this,_

_To waste his whole heart in one kiss_

_Upon her perfect lips.  
_

_  
~*~_

The crisp night air hit me as I stepped out of the terminal to the noises of taxis idling in their queue and excited shrieks of welcome and relief as relatives, lovers and friends reconnected in the pick up lines. I pulled the collar of the heavy woolen coat I'd packed in hand luggage up around to graze my jaw, feeling the fibers catch on my unshaven face.

The last time I was home it was Summer. The temperatures were high and the beaches around the bay were packed well past midnight. This weather was a complete contrast as tightly wrapped dark coats hurried to get inside lest they be trapped in the next wave of rain to hit from the skies.

With my suitcase and satchel held firm against my body, I made my way to waiting black car that would take me to the hotel.

The drive from the airport took me through tunnels under the river that wound its way from the east through the city and into the bay. The bridge over the waterways was spectacular, providing one of my favourite scenes from any of my travels; a perfect panorama of the city buildings lit up in the sky against the dark navy contrast of the sky.

The sleek black hotel car pulled up at the newly built Hilton in the Docklands, the old shipping yards that in the past 5 years had been gentrified and rebuilt into fashionable sea, city and river view apartments, shopping and restaurant districts.

I really tried not to be rude; my mother's voice echoing in my mind

The hotel room was brand new, potentially never having had guests in it before, with perfect views of the favourite panorama I had admired from the car across the bridge.

Dropping my satchel lazily on the ground next to my suitcase, I rubbed my hand up my face, in a vain attempt at releasing the stress of travel from my mind. I stumbled across the soft carpet to the modern marble and glass bathroom, pulling my shirt over my head.

Flicking on the downward lights in the bathroom, I gazed momentarily at my face, running my hands through my hair. With the flurry of the last week, I hadn't managed to go for my usual run, however it seemed that the uncomfortable position I had to stay in for the entire flight seemed to have kept the defined muscles of my chest and stomach in shape.

Turning on the shower, I let the steam fill the bathroom as I stripped off my pants and boxer briefs.

The heat of the water pounding down on my shoulders felt heavenly. I turned my face straight into the direct flow of the water and felt the relief of being home.

I pulled the tightly tucked edge of the covers back and climbed into the starched sheets, too tired to bother finding anything to sleep in. The feeling of crispness on my skin relaxed my aching muscles. Setting my alarm on my iPhone, I reached over and switched off the side lamp.

The soft, fullness of the pillows engulfed my head. The 30 hours without sleep overcame my mind and I crashed into a deep slumber.

~*~

The rolling pounding of the hooves of my horse against the damp ground reverberated up into my body from the saddle. Her warmth against my back as she gripped tightly to me, one hand resting on my stomach, the other across my chest, filled me with comfort.

I tried as hard as I could not to think about the warmth emanating from her thighs, as she rode the saddle in the same position as I did from behind; her legs wrapping around either side of mine.

As my horse galloped across the darkening landscape, I would feel her every now and then tilt her hips downwards, pressing the side of her face against my back and tightening her hands against my body.

No doubt she could feel the movement of my muscles as we rode, but I tried not to think that her movements were less than chaste. If I did, I doubt I would be able to hide it.

When I first met her, her face and smile had been my saviour; my beacon in these dark times. Now, she was both my sun and moon, my guiding light at all hours and the centre upon which my world turned.

Other players on this stage no longer mattered, and regardless of the strength of any other loyalties or duties came second in any hierarchy that involved her.

In time with the movements of my horse's gallop, she tilted her hips downwards again, sighing from between my shoulders. There was no mistaking now what was she was doing, wrapped against my body.

My heart ached with longing as the familiar warmth when I was around her grew in my groin. Her hand against the muscles of my stomach was dangerously close as I felt my cock growing harder.

She tilted her hips again and even over the loud pounding of hooves, I heard her breath let out in a soundless moan. My length twitched and completely hardened, pressing up against my stomach, as I had positioned myself upwards for riding earlier.

She shifted her hand so her wrist now pressed against the head of me. I stifled a groan, and tried to focus on the riding as we began to enter deeper into the green forest.

With the different sensitivity of my skin beneath her wrist, I now noticed the natural movements of her arms as the saddle moved up and down with the gallop of the horse. Slightly up and slightly down, her wrist pressed against the head of my length, the pleasure hitting me and forcing a growl from my chest.

I suddenly cursed myself at the realisation that all of her actions might be purely innocent, and unchivalrously and unchastely I was getting pleasure rubbing against her wrist. Before I could react to change the positioning, a sudden crash of thunder in the skies burst out, making our bodies jump in the opposing directions to the natural movements of the horse. Her wrist pressed and rubbed up the entire length of me whilst her body slammed down against the saddle.

We both groaned unintentionally out load, her noise sending an aching desire through my cock.

The thunder had signalled the start of a storm, and rain began to fall at first lightly, and then rather heavily from the skies.

Before I had time to analysis her noises as innocent or otherwise, lightening flashed against the downpour, soon followed by further thunder.

Knowing that we best find some shelter quickly, I slowed my horse and turned it downwards off the path we were travelling. The steep incline caused me to have to lean acutely backwards, her weight and body pressing against mine even more than before.

Her hot breath now moved close to my ear, my body aching in response. As we trekked downwards, her nose ran against the space under my ear, catching my breath as she brushed her lips against my skin. She shifted her hips against me behind and I felt wetness leak from my head as her hand gripped tighter on the descent. Both fortunately and unfortunately, a rocky outcrop came into view. I steered my horse to the flat area. The outcrop carved a small cliff face into the hill above it, providing a small cave and shelter from the rain.

With longing and disappointment, I dismounted the horse, looking up into her beautiful deep brown eyes for the first time since we had mounted. She looked at me momentarily, before biting her lip. I reached up and lifted her down by her waist, placing her delicately on the ground inches in front of me. The stomping of my horse brought me from my reverie, and I felt the yearning pull as I moved away from her to tie my horse up to a tree.

Turning around I found her by the cliff face, running her hands against the stone. I moved to the shelter of the rocks to join her but as she turned to face me, I stopped in my steps.

Her mahogany hair cascaded over her shoulders, dampened and darkened by the rain. Her breasts pressed against her bodice, the rain wetting the fabric and clinging against her every curve, her nipples visible as the pressed through the fabric. The blood rushed to my cock, bringing it even harder than it had been before. Without thinking, I stepped quickly towards her, and grasped her chin lightly in my hand.

Her arms wrapped around me, and pulled my hard body flush against her warm softness. I tilted her head up, looking momentarily into the depths of her eyes before bringing my lips down onto hers. She responded immediately, a hand running up from my back to my hair where she pulled us tighter against each other. Our lips moved together, hard and full of wanting.

I felt her tongue press out from her lips and into my mouth, rolling and pressing over mine, spurring on my longing to feel her against me. I bent down slightly, and as if reading my movements, she lifted her legs up and I wrapped her thighs around my waist. I stepped forwards slightly, and upon finding the cliff face, a rock that jutted out at perfect height to rest her weight on.

Our lips moved together faster and harder with need. Her hands ran down my chest and stomach, grasping to lift my woolen shirts off. I helped her lift them over my head, leaving me topless as her mouths crashed back together. Her perfect full breasts pressing against her dress felt incredible as I ran my hands over them, pressing and massaging them with both of my hands. She groaned against my mouth and pulled me closer to her centre with her legs.

I pulled the top of the fabric down, freeing her breasts over the bodice before I crashed my mouth down onto her nipple, continuing to hold and move her breasts within my hands. Her moans made the aching in my cock nearly unbearable, my desire to be inside her overwhelming any thoughts. Her hands began to free my cock from my pants as I brought my fingers under her dress and straight against the heat of her centre. She bucked and moaned into my touch as I ran my fingers over her wetness, sliding a finger into her warmth.

I growled in need and want at the wet, tight heat that beckoned me as I thrust my finger into her. Her hand ran up my length, rubbing against the thickness of my desire. I began to throb as the need for her reached more than I had ever felt before.

I brushed my finger against her bundle of nerves as I added as second finger to the first. Her moans of pleasure grew louder and faster with my fingers, until I sudeenly felt her walls clamp down and pulse, her cries bringing my cock close to release.

Without waiting for her to calm down, I brought my fingers out of her, crashing my mouth onto hers and positioning my cock at her entrance.

Her legs wrapped tighter against me and pulled me into her. My cock pushed into her warmth with ease, the tightness of her walls grippping each inch as I pressed further and further into her. Her moan matched mine at the sensation and I couldnt hold back from pushing myself fully into her, feeling the base of my cock press against her nerves.

The feeling threatened to overwhelm me as I pulled out and thrust hard back into her wet core. Her cry in pleasure was all the encouragement I needed as I pulled out and slammed back into her again, beginning deep, fast thrusts into her. I used one hand to bring her body tight against mine as I continued to pump into her whilst the other roamed her body. Finding purchase on her breast, I pinched and rolled her nipple between my fingers.

I could feel the tight coil building deep inside of me, and felt the throbbing begin to build at the base of my cock.

Nuzzling my head onto her shoulder, I tillted my pelivis back slightly, thrusting quick but deep into her, hoping to find the spot inside of her that would bring her along with me.

Her body stiffened as she cried out and I felt her walls begin to clamp down on my length. I buried myself deep into her, clinging her body to mine as I felt my muscles tense and release as I spilled into her, waves of pleasure rolling over my body.

Breathing hard, I looked up into her glazed eyes. Her face flushed with pleasure, she smiled as she bit down on her lip, looking up at me. I brought my lips to hers, kissing her with all the love and tenderness I felt for her.

~*~

_Oh God. What the fuck?_ I groaned as I went to turn over onto my stomach, realising my mistake immediately as I felt wetness brush against my stomach and now sated cock.

I lifted the sheets up and looked down at the release from my dream. _Well, I certainly felt and remember that one_.

I hadn't had a wet dream since I was in high school, and although I hadn't been with anyone _that_ way for a few months now, I certainly hadn't left my libido without a helping hand. I sat up in bed, slightly dazed and habitually ran my hand through my hair. _Fuck!_

Well, at least the shampoo was free here. I clambered out of bed with shaky legs, the full intensity of my orgasm hitting home, and stumbled to the bathroom.

Turning on the taps in the shower, I headed back out and stripped the sheets off the bed, placing them in a heap in the bathtub in a feigned act of helpfulness.

I ran my hands back through my hair, foaming the shampoo under the delightful waterfall, still quite not comprehending what had happened. The delicate scent of the shampoo clouded my mind. Before I had a chance to realise, my mind flashed with an image of her flushed face, swollen dark rouge lips and deep eyes framed by her cascading mahogany hair assaulted my mind. I staggered and put my hand out to support myself against the shower wall. _Woah_. It took a second to gather my senses before I felt a familiar ache. I looked down to see my cock standing completely erect. _That was quick_.

The alarm on my phone started ringing trilly from the bedroom, before vibrating it's way off the side table onto the carpet, where it continued against all odds to tantrum its way to waking me. I sighed and turned off the taps after washing off the suds that had trickled down my legs.

After checking out of the hotel, I looked over my email briefly on my iPhone whilst the concierge organised a rental car. I was heading down to my parents' for the next few days whilst I got things set up, with only a few days before I was supposed to be starting my new position.

"Your luggage is in your car, Mr. Cullen."

I looked up to see the concierge holding out a set of keys.

"Thank-you," I smiled at him, taking the keys with the familiar male symbol on them and headed out to the front where the new black Volvo was waiting.

The drive from the city, through the tunnels and along the freeway to the university campus was surprisingly enjoyable in this car. The feeling of home started to sink in completely; my memory of the route creeping back in like the notes of a piece of piano music not played in a while. I smiled at the metaphor, and the realisation that I'd be able to finally get my fingers back on the grand piano at my parents' house.

Pulling into the university gates brought back a flood of memories of late nights in the library, exams and coffee.

Following in my father's steps, I had finished my medical degree here, interning for a year before heading to London to begin my specialisation as a psychiatrist. It was at a conference where I was presenting some of my research from London where I first met Jasper Hale.

Our work crossed over in some fields; mine as a psychiatrist, his as a psychologist, and the next week we started working together on a paper that hopefully would make a difference.

As my brother Emmett crudely put it, linking my research into people's thoughts with his research into people's feelings.

After parking my car, I headed towards Jasper's building, my stomach growling from my failure to grab breakfast. Hoping Jasper would be up for grabbing an early lunch, I walked quickly inside to get out of the cold air, nearly running into two girls whispering with each other conspiratorially. They both turned to look at me, smirking as they took me. The overabundance of makeup and their predatorial objectification of me on their faces made me cringe instinctually. I hadn't realised how obvious I'd made my face reflect my feelings until their expressions dropped into a glare. I couldn't help but chuckle as I moved around them and headed for the stairs.

"Come in," Jasper's voice called out from behind the door. I turned the handle and pushed it open. Deep dark chocolate eyes flashed through my mind, her teeth biting down softly on her full lower lip.

"Edward!" Jasper's voice broke me from my reverie.

A massive smile broke out on his face as he walked around from behind his desk. I couldn't help matching it, excited and happy to see him again.

We both stepped towards each other, leaning in for a hug, tapping each other on the back. _Shit!_

I broke from the hug early, suddenly realising the flash of her eyes and lips had left me in a state that might make Jasper think I was a little too happy to see him again.

Jasper didn't register any acknowledgement on his face, leaning back on his desk. "Got in okay last night?" he said with a giant grin.

I stuttered for a second, imagining innuendo in his words, "um, yeah, fine thanks. Flight wasn't too painful and hotel was up to scratch".

"Great," he replied smiling. "Take a seat, please." He walked around to the chair behind his desk, proceeding to sit and lean back. "Congratulations again on the job, Edward. It's really an amazing opportunity."

"Thanks, Jasper. I still haven't processed everything yet; a bit of a whirlwind" I said as I sat down in the leather seat Jasper had in his office for visitors.

"So, does this mean you're back for good?" Jasper asked as he leant back in his chair, raising an eyebrow.

"Nothing's for certain of course, but at least until the end of my specialisation. I don't think they'd take it too lightly if I transferred again." I responded.

"Well, we'll be able to get this paper done in no time now," he grinned as he pointed at a stack of journal articles and books on the side of his desk.

I laughed, "I'm actually really happy to be home. It's going to get busy over the next little while, and I started to realise how much I missed everyone".

Although Jasper and I had met before I left for London, we'd had more reason to stay in contact than most people working on research together. A little while after I had moved to London for my specialisation, Jasper had got in contact to let me know his sister was flying in for a few days before heading across to Germany for a new position at an engineering firm. I hadn't realised, but the work she'd completed on her thesis back home had scored her a key position in the mechanical engineering labs at BMW.

The moment I knew this, I teed her up to meet my brother with me over a couple of beers.

Emmett had been in London for about six months before me finishing some work for the British government into fuel technologies.

I initially had joked with him that he was working on the next Bond car for Mi6, but his shocked stare at my words gave away much more than he should of. I just laughed it off, but would freak him out every now and again by insisting we watch Bond movies and do whisky shots whenever "Bond, James Bond" was said.

Emmett's penchant for drinking overcame his hesitancy at not wanting to formally reveal what he was working on, and we wordlessly settled for never asking too many questions about each other's work.

He tended to find the stuff I worked with too heavy and serious, and in retaliation for my Bond references, would often end conversations yelling, "Stop trying to get into my brain!" whilst grabbing his hair and disappearing from the room.

Needless to say, they hit it off and made good use of the cheap flights between London and Munich.

In fact, they hit if off so well that Emmett had proposed to Rosalie a couple of months ago. With both fiercely passionate about their work, logistics hadn't been ironed out completely, but they had come to a consensus on timing their wedding for the Spring back home.

I think my parents were going to implode with happiness having one son's wedding, and the other returning from overseas in the space of a couple of months.

Jasper and I spoke briefly about our work, but time was catching up with me and I still had to head to the hospital to sign the papers. We touched on the upcoming wedding, and Jasper spoke about Alice with a look that I couldn't help but smile at.

I got up to leave, gathering some journal articles he'd collected, and my stomach grumbled, "Lunch is unfortunately going to have to wait."

Jasper looked slightly crestfallen, "Well, how about you take a raincheck and come out and have dinner with Alice and I sometime this weekend?" Given I really wanted to catch up with Jasper and the fact that I'd be back and forth between the city and my parents' I agreed wholeheartedly.

After leaving the campus, I headed straight to the hospital where my father worked. An infectious disease consultant, he worked with the most serious of cases and often most exotic of cases. Having a rough idea of where he was likely to be, I made my way towards the ID consultation suites.

I had been correct in my assumption, and found my father in deep conversation with another doctor.

"Excuse me for a second," my father quickly said to the man as he saw me. He stepped around him and came straight for a hug, "Hi Dad," I said as we wrapped our arms around each other. "So glad you made it!" he said as he stepped back.

After pausing for a second to give me a smile, he turned to the doctor he had been speaking with. "Marcus, this is my son, Edward. Edward, this is Dr Miles, a member of the board of directors here."

It didn't escape my notice that my father was highlighting that this was one of the doctors who had approved my transfer. "It's a pleasure to meet you, sir," I reached out and shook his hand.

"Ah, Edward! I've heard a lot about you; not just from your father here," he winked. "It's too bad you won't be working here with us" My heart skipped a beat._ What? What happened? Had I misinterpreted what they offered?_ Noticing the look on my face, Dr Miles quickly recovered, "You'll be working in the private clinics across the road of course - where the psychiatric consultants are housed."

Relief and excitement eased my tension, realising that I was actually working in a better than expected position.

Again, quick to pick up on my change in demeanour, Dr Miles continued, "Well, we figured with your two years experience at the Royal College in London, you were certainly more than prepared to fast track your specialisation here."

He patted me on the back before beginning to walk off, "Must dash; lovely to meet you Edward. Carlisle." With a nod of his head he was gone.

I turned to my father.

The sound of a pager going off made us both instinctively reach down to our belts.

My hands found no purchase and I smiled at my well developed automated response.

My father looked across and grinned in our similar responses. "Unfortunately, it's me. The influenza season is bad enough but with this swine flu, it's been busier than normal. I'll catch you at home?" I nodded.

He started to turn away, "Oh and make sure you grab something to eat from the cafeteria"

"Thanks, Dad" I smiled at his concern, my grumbling stomach enforcing the validity of my father's advice.

I started towards the cafeteria, still smiling.

"Edward," my father's voice called.

I turned to see him looking back at me.

"Yeah?"

"It really is great to have you home."

The hunger in my stomach was immediately placed by warmth and I had to blink a couple of times to will the stinging away from my eyes.

"Thanks Dad. It really is great to be back."

He smiled and headed towards the ICU as I resumed my path to get some food.

The impact of being home was only just really sinking in.

When I had first headed to London I felt independent and that I had nothing tying me to home. My focus had been my career and I had taken the opportunity to go overseas thinking that I wouldn't miss a thing about home.

I found myself easily continuing the pattern I had developed whilst studying; throwing everything into my career, thinking that that was what I wanted.

Seeing the change in Emmett after meeting Rosalie had made me reflect momentarily on what my goals were, but I had yet to experience that kind of connection with anyone. It was still hard for me to see myself separate from my ambition of becoming a great doctor. That and every time Emmett had tried to set me up with a colleague or friend, I found myself analysing them as though they were a patient which was an immediate turn off.

I continued with my independent and no-strings life, putting the concern I heard in my mum's voice down to that typical of a parent.

On reflection, it was probably condescending of me to think like that, and I had failed to realise how insightful my parents were.

It was on a whim that I looked into transferring my specialisation back home.

The benefits of being a British colony paid off, and the process appeared rather simple. Contrary to what people kept saying to me, getting a position somewhere equally prestigious was easier than I thought, although I think that was mainly due to the recommendations from my supervisors.

It felt good to be home. I felt content. I think spending some time away was necessary for me to begin to have this realisation.

Walking into the cafeteria, I grabbed a salad sandwich, blatantly ignored the looks the girl at the register kept trying to give me and walked towards the administration building.

Signing the relevant paperwork with administration took a decent amount of time; the weight of bureaucracy always surprising me. I was certain I had provided the hospital with all of these details in my initial documentation, but filling the papers out gave me a chance to eat my lunch.

It was nice to have one major task ticked off my to do list.

I headed out to my car, eager to get back on the road.

As I turned onto the highway, I found myself remembering childhood trips down to the beach and reveled in the feeling of being back somewhere familiar.

The long, winding curves of the drive along the coast to my parents' place afforded spectacular views and with my iPhone plugged into the stereo and the smoothness of the Volvo, the trip passed quickly.

My mum and dad had bought this home as their sanctuary of sorts after Emmett and I had both moved out.

About an hour and half down the coastline of the bay from the city, nestled between the cliffs to the bay and hills of national park forests, their home mimicked elements of Wright's _Fallingwater_.

A stream ran down beside the house from the hills to the ocean; the setting creating a completely different outlook from the different sides of the house.

The living room and kitchen of the home looked out across the bay to the city, lighting up at night on the horizon.

My parents' room and father's study overlooked the stream as it ran through the trees. The back of the cantilevered home, where the other bedrooms were situated looked out onto dense, green forest.

I had only seen their home briefly once before whilst on the conference, but was looking forward to spending a bit more time here.

I turned off the highway into the local roads that eventually brought me to the out of the way driveway.

I took the drive slowly as the trees obscured the bends of the gravel drive, slowly bringing into focus the side of the beautiful house.

My mother must have been able to hear my car creeping up the drive as the front door opened as I got out of the driver's side.

"Edward!" My father's compassion was rivaled by only one person, my mother. Her love and support of Emmett and I through all of our endeavours was instrumental in our careers. I never took for granted how much she had sacrificed in bringing us up whilst maintaining a hefty client list for her business.

Leaving my luggage, I strode up to the deck and met her arms in a hug. "It's so good to see you," she said as she squeezed me before stepping back and looking me up and down. "I think you've grown taller," she said playfully. "Mum, I think I reached full height at eighteen," I chuckled. "Perhaps," she said with a smile. "Come on, let's get you settled."

The tiredness of all the travelling and day's events caught up with me quickly.

With my father arriving home only an hour or so after I did, we had an early dinner, discussing the events of my transfer and plans for the next couple of days.

Mum had arranged for us to visit a couple of places she had found for me through a friend who was a real estate agent, and I was fairly certain on the type of car I wanted to purchase given that unlike London, I would need one back here.

After yawning at the dining table, my parents shoed me to bed, despite my protests about helping clean up.

The guest room I had commandeered was towards the back of the house jutted out towards the lush forest, creating an impression that I was within the treetops.

The sounds of the ocean however managed to make their way into the room, calming me even further than the tiredness had.

Opening up my luggage, I put on a pair of boxer briefs; not confident enough to risk a repeat of last night by going without again, or my pyjama pants quite yet.

Furthermore, my mum would have no doubt what had gone on if I bundled the sheets up like I had at the hotel.

Sighing, I closed my eyes, wondering whether my seductress would visit me again tonight.

* * *

Opening Poem:

Lord Alfred Tennyson, "Sir Lancelot and Queen Guinevere"

Links to the wiki article for Wright's _Fallingwater_ and a picture of Edward's favourite cityscape on the drive from the airport available on my profile page.

** Author's Note: **

And we're back! I apologise again profusely for the three week delay! Exams are completely complete, and life is a little bit more spacious! Hopefully we'll be back on track for the updating schedule. As with this delay, I'll always aim to change details on my profile under the 'updates' heading for when I expect to be updating _Depth of Soul,_ or details on any delay. This Chapter took a little bit longer than expected; I found Edward's point of view challenging. When I started the Chapter, he was openly expressing his feelings, but he must have also been delayed by my exams, as I found it hard to find his 'voice' again. Add in the fact that internet isn't yet connected at my new place, and you have a recipe for delay!

I've also started a new story, _A Thousand and One Nights_, (the link's available on my profile page) which will be mainly in Edward's point of view, and is a completely different type of story to this one, involving vampires and Darkward. The visitor count on this story has just blown me away!

The reviews and story adds have been just so amazing - with over 500 hits! Thank-you so much! Your reviews mean the world to me and keep me going (they really were such an empowering force for this Chapter). So please, let me know what you think of Edward!


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